Michael Jackson's dead. Big deal. Get over it. Everyone's gushing about how he changed the face of music, how he was such a great performer, and so on. No one seems to be mentioning the fact that he bankrupted himself hiring lawyers to defend him from child molestation charges twice, had maybe three decent hits in his entire career which ended over 15 years ago, and was making a final comeback tour to try and finance his dreamworld lifestyle.

Washed-up celebs die every day, and you don't see this much hype about them. Move on, people.

I am very pissed off.

I got a letter today. From the DWP, or whatever it's calling itself these days. It said that they had sent me a letter on the 31/05/09 (that I haven't received yet) telling me I am no longer eligible to receive ESA. To make this decision they apparently only used information from a all-purpose no-size-fits-all questionnaire that I filled in a couple of months ago, and the report from the DWP quack I went to see a couple of weeks ago to do a capability assessment. They haven't used any information from any of the doctors I've seen who actually know what they're talking about (my GP, the referral psychologist, and the Asperger's specialist at Sheffield), or any of the additional information we gave them. Instead, they've used a points-based system for analysing the pitiful information they have got, and going from the accompanying results sheet, most of that is bollocks!

Right now I want to go down to the DWP offices with a shotgun and an axe and try and put things in perspective for the twat responsible.

Anyone want to buy one? 'Cos I've got one on sale on eBay. 10% of final sale price goes to Alzheimer's Research.

Just thought I'd remind you all about my books.

General information pages

Book I Please Kill the Neighbours (But Don't Piss Them Off)

Most nuisance neighbours can be dealt with by a court order. When your neighbour is a country ruled by an evil wizard, we recommend a demon.
Of course, you need someone ... disposable ... to summon the damn thing.

Meet Cullan and his companions, Alys and Kenyon, and follow their adventures when they're blackmailed into escorting Morgan, a gifted young mage, into a hostile country so that she can fulfil her Destiny.

Book II Finish the Job So We Don't Have To

Whenever you kill an evil wizard, there are three things you should remember:
1. Kill his bodyguards and sidekicks as well;
2. Steal all his treasure;
3. Have an escape route planned in advance.
So... Second time lucky?

A second chance arrives for Cullan and his companions to loot the Tower of Morss - not that they really want to go back there after what happened last time. Especially with an invading army in the way. Oh, and having to kill the three most well-protected people in a besieged city first.

Book III All's Fair in Love and Politics

Inter-monarchial relationships can be tricky things. There are all sorts of things to consider concerning alliances, succession, trade, and so on. Not to mention security - with all the travelling between two countries that will be going on, it makes it easier for someone to, for example, kidnap someone.

When Queen Elspeth is abducted on a state visit to Galorndan, Cullan and his companions are ordered to once again travel several hundred miles to find someone - this time to rescue, not to kill. Although, someone probably will need killing while they're in the area.

 


Lulu.com store
Book I at CreateSpace
Book II at CreateSpace
Book III at CreateSpace
The books on Amazon.com

You know where to get them now - what are you waiting for?

According to the BBC Red Dwarf: Back to Earth pulled in record figures for Dave.

But let's look at it closely. A figure of "over 2m" is quoted as the audience for the first episode. This figure falls to 1.7m for the second episode, and falls further to 1.3m for the third. That's a fall-off of about 35%, which is NotGood, and indicates that the viewers thought it was crap.

The report also quotes a figure of 8m viewers for Red Dwarf at the height of its' popularity, back when it was on BBC2. Now, not all the fans of the originals will have digital TV, and not everyone who watched it last century was a hard-core fan. The specials had quite a bit of advance and pre-broadcast publicity - they weren't hard to find, in other words. So, from the numbers, we can deduce that the revival of Red Dwarf wasn't all-that hotly-anticipated, nor was it warmly received.

And that does not surprise me one bit.

I've just de-activated my Facebook account. I hardly used the bloody thing anyway. The only reason I signed up was to give myself somewhere else to plug my books, and it is now unfit for purpose.

There was a slight delay due to the cover not being ready, but now Book III of the Have Sword & Sorcery: Will Travel™ series is now on sale.

All's Fair in Love and Politics

Inter-monarchial relationships can be tricky things. There are all sorts of things to consider concerning alliances, succession, trade, and so on. Not to mention security - with all the travelling between two countries that will be going on, it makes it easier for someone to, for example, kidnap someone.

When Queen Elspeth is abducted on a state visit to Galorndan, Cullan and his companions are ordered to once again travel several hundred miles to find someone - this time to rescue, not to kill. Although, someone probably will need killing while they're in the area.

Following up to my last post ...

Occasionally over the last few years, my paternal grandmother has seen fit to send me a substantial cheque once a year, partly, in her own words, as a means of avoiding inheritance tax. The year before last, she agreed to fund a couple of OU computer courses in lieu of a direct payment. I got prospectuses, I examined the options, I took all the details to her and explained them carefully, and she agreed to pay the course fees. The next morning she called me and urged me to rethink, as I "didn't have a brilliant track record of finishing things". I told her I'd already registered for the courses, as discussed yesterday, and her response was to call me stupid and put the phone down. Recently, I found out that two of her other grandsons have been diagnosed with mid-range Asperger's and full-on Autism.

This year's cheque arrived this morning, and I opened the letter it came in just a few minutes ago. This is what it says:

Here is a cheque for you for £250, which I expect you will be glad of.
I hope the interview with the Specialist that Elly arranged for you went well, & will be of some help.
Please have a sensible object or goal in life - discard some of the more bizarre ideas you had.

"Bizarre ideas" probably means being a writer and/or theatre worker.

I am literally shaking with anger. I would welcome any suggestions on how to best accept the cheque, and tell her to go fuck herself with a rusty piece of barbed wire in every conceivable orifice whilst being eaten alive by moles in a cesspit.

"Brian, you definitely have Asperger's".

I went to Sheffield today, as part of the ongoing saga of me being diagnosed with Asperger's. After a 90-minute interview with a specialist, she said the above words, and relief flooded through me.

I am now one less step away from returning to humanity.

I'm going over to Ireland in a month to check out the hotel for the IDWCon, and I'm flying out from Manchester (because Leeds-Bradford doesn't go to Shannon). The flights are in the evening, though, and the return flight gets in after the last train home leaves. So, does anyone in the Manchester area have some crashspace they can let me use, please? My flight is booked for Monday 20th April, arriving at 2125.

EDIT: Problem solved

1) Reply to this post and I'll assign you a letter.
2) List (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3) Post them to your journal with these instructions

I was tagged and given the letter "P" by cu_sith.

Hmmm.

Paperback Writer - Beatles
Paradise City - Billy Ocean
Park Life - Blur
Party Hard - Andrew WK
Pinball Wizard - The Who

The last BeerMonster is up.

'Tis Saturday, the day after the second Friday 13th of the year.

The collections department of the bank has rung me twice now since Tuesday.

BeerMonster#100 is due up tomorrow, and I still haven't thought of anything for it.

My sister has come round, and is helping me fill out loads of huge forms for benefits agencies and so on, in order for me to get officially diagnosed with Asperger's (and get some sort of benefits for it).

I'm selling stuff on eBay, if anyone's interested.

The third book of my series comes out in 3 weeks and two days (pre-orders close on the 22nd).

I have lots of stuff to mention at the IDWConCom meeting tomorrow, and probably no-one will thank me.

There are no jobs.

I think I may be getting Depressed again. Bugger.

<a href=">http://clubdiscworld.livejournal.com/</a> It's not me running it, BTW.

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed in here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,
"When I grew up I was black,
"When I'm sick I'm black,
"When I go out in the sun I'm black,
"When I'm cold I'm black,
"When I die I'll be black.

"But you sir...
"When you were born you were pink,
"When you grew up you were white,
"When you're sick, you're green,
"When you go out in the sun you turn red,
"When you're cold you turn blue,
"And when you die you turn purple.
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?!"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away embarrassed...